November 12, 2009

Too many guns - A look at Modern Warfare 2 weapons

Dale Culp says: While researching the necessary information I needed to write this article, I came across a serious problem: There are just too many guns in this game. Way too many guns. Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2's weapons number in the dozens. DOZENS, I tell you!

Whatever happened to the days when all you had were a small handful of weapons to choose from? You had your melee weapon, shotgun, super shotgun, pistol, automatic rifle/machine gun and rocket launcher. Then you usually had 1 or 2 exotic, unbalanced weapons that everyone would camp in multiplayer but then complain about whenever someone else was camping it. I mean, count 'em -- there's something like 50 guns in Modern Warfare 2! I feel like a Republican when I play this game. Look out, Charlton Heston! There's a new king of the NRA, and if he's not working at Infinity Ward, meticulously going over the 3D models and making sure each one is a faithful, accurate representation of its real-world counter-part, than I'm sure he's feverishly rubbing his hands and drooling at this list I blatantly stole from some wiki site:

USP .45 – Glock 18/22 – M1911 .45 – Desert Eagle

Assault Rifles
M16 – AK-47 – Steyr AUG A2 - FAMAS – Bushmaster ACR – Imbel MD3 – FN 2000 – G36C – M4 – MK. 14 EBR – G3 – TAR-21 – FN SCAR – FN FAL

Sniper Rifles
SVD Dragunov – Walther WA2000

Sub-Machine Guns
FN P90 – UMP .45 – TDI Kriss – H&K MP5

Light/Heavy Machine Guns
RPD – MK46 – AUG HBAR-T – MG4 – M240

Franchi SPAS-12 – W1200 – Armsel Striker 12 Guage – Remington 870MCS – Winchester 1887 – AA-12

That's a lot of guns! Plenty of ways there to put big holes in bad guys, and it doesn't even include all the attachments and other gizmos you can hook onto them to make them even deadlier. Then you've got rocket launchers, missile launchers, knives, ice picks, grenades, Predator drones and, not to mention, YOUR OWN TWO HANDS. Egads, man! Do you really expect me to go through all that and lay out the pros and cons of each? God, no. And the worst part is, there's hardly any difference between them! Oh, sure, some feature a larger calibre, different rates of fire and accuracy, and I'm sure I went through most of these at some point in the game which does give me some "hands-on" experience, but I can't be entirely sure about that because, most of the time, I abused the hell out of any assault rifle that came with a scope.

In the end, I'm afraid I have to admit that I break the ignorant stereotype of the typical gamer. I may be a pissed-off nerd who's tired of being picked on his whole life but I know absolutely zero about guns. In all, I've fired about 3 different actual guns and came away from the experience not entirely impressed. I played through "No Russian" and, despite the initial shock, I can't help but recall murdering thousands of innocent civilians in other games from Carmageddon to Grand Theft Auto and never once thinking, "Am I a bad person?" At least, in those games, I got extra points and bonus rewards every time I mowed down a God-fearing family of wholesome Christians. I also fondly recall gleefully bludgeoning scientists with a crowbar in Half-Life only seconds after employing their skills to heal me. Does that qualify me as a serial killer or a psychopath who's about to go on a rampage? No, not all. And if my experience with flash bangs in Modern Warfare 2 is any kind of indication of what I'd be like in the real world, than I'm most likely to end up doing more harm to myself than any of the bystanders around me. Even if that logic fails, all I have to do is point at my record: 30 years on and I haven't killed anyone, yet.

So, dig up Ronald Reagan, shake his hand, play some John Philip Sousa and fire up that DVD boxed-set of G.I. Joe because, while I don't know how to pronounce the word carbine - or even what that word means - I do know a lot about shooting virtual bad guys in the face as much as possible to preserve the American Way. Praise the Lord and pass the ammunition. Hooah.